Dear blog

Assalamualaikum to all fellow readers.. Final examination is less than one week away. Im just doe with project presentation. It was embarassing experience I can say. I didnot do well. I thought I prepared enough but seems it was not. Orang lain present dgn hebat tak yah cakap ape dah. If i know they wud present that theoretical formula and compare it with their findings, i wud just do the same. I did not know it. I just presented my result..which is just looks like nothing to my sv. Hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu.. My sv keep asking the same question. I was frustrated. My body felt hot. I just wanna pause the time and cry. But i dindnt. I go back home early that day. After my another meeting with sv, I went back to my family. I shared it with my husband. I just wanna let it go. So I asked hubby to out and take our kids to somewhere. Nampak diorang happy..bila dapat keluar dari rumah ni. Jalan2 kat mall terdekat dan belikan diorang kasut for spring. Kesian masih pakai winter boot yang berat just because their ibu was so busy. Nak keluar weekend pun x sempat. Alhamdulillah they were so happy. I always remind myself, they are my remedies..not anything else. I wont trade them to get what i want. Instead, I would trade what I have to get what they want. To provide them a beautiful memory of their childhood time. Bought them a new toy each and baju tidur princess. It was on sale and I was in the mood of spending.. Yang penting they looked so happy. It is kind of a relief to me. Their happiness is mine too. I felt guilty for not even be able to bring them jalan2.. Yeah there's so much guilt for a phd mom. Dont make me start... Dah lama juga tidak beria2 memasak untuk diorang. Most of the time, hubby wud cook for us. Syukur dengan nikmatNya. He is one supportive husband..i wont ask for anything else, he always knows my sorrow. He lifed me whenever i feel so dowm and down.And I wont give up easily. Memang terasa sangat tak tahu apa2...u are studying in a world class university which is full of geniuses here and there. Sedang ilmu ku? hanya ibarat setitis buih di lautan..bila2 masa pun akan hilang.. Tapi aku yakin ilmu Allah berganda tinggi dari ilmu mereka. Lalu aku tak jemu meminta kepadaNya.. Ya Allah..pinjamkanlah ilmuMu kepadaku..permudahkan aku memahami ilmuMu..terangkan hatiku ini agar mudah menerima ilmu Mu..Ameen. Mungkin kesusahan ini akan mengubah aku. Mungkin dengan rasa tidak tahu apa2 akan buat aku lebih kuat mencuba untuk jadi tahu. Bukan jadi alasan untuk aku mengalah. I wud share my knowledge to the generations, hence this hardship. Kalau ia mudah, sudah tentu ia tidak istimewa. BUkankah? Bukan hanya imuNya yang ingin Dia beri kepadaku..tetapi kefahaman dalam agamaku. Masih banyak kekurangan diri ku ini. Masih cinta dunia. Penah dengar mutiara kata para ilmuwan, orang yang ingat mati..dunia hanya diletak pada tangannya dan bukan di hati. Sedang aku? T- T masih amat jauh. Semoga Dia terangkan hatiku sentiasa. Semoga Dia uji aku dengan kesusahan supaya aku bersyukur. Ameen.