One of the most common things replaying in my mind is to quit and go back to my home country. I dont know why. May be I am too tired. Yes I do.
But one of the thing that keep me going is also my beloved ones. My husband and kids, my family and my late parents.
Arwah ayah was not a government servant neither an averaged working man. I remembered his salary when I was in secondary school was only about 500-700 per month. That's why I refused to go to MRSM. pegi ambik test sekadar suka2 seba kawan2 kelas beriya pujuk mengajak. Tapi mungkind dah rezeki, lepas juga dan dapat offer. Ingat lagi arwah ayah yang sungguh2 pujuk pergi masuk MRSM. But I knew he could not afford it. I dont want to trouble them, my parents. My school SMK SUltan Badlishah was good enough. I dont need to go to MRSM to be excellent. He insisted anyway. Arwah ayah sanggup keluarkan duit KWSP dia..I always remember that. Walau nialinya taklah puluhan ribu..but for me it was the biggest sacrifice.
Back then, aku ni penjimat orangnya. Coz I know my parents are not rich. So every times I was given duit belanja, I keep it for only really important things. I never buy anything yng tak berfaedah. Most of the money was spent on books. I love books. All sort of books. ANd also magazine. And stationary.. Skemanya aku waktu dulu kan. Kih3.
I know he sacrificed a lot for my success. That's why aku nak marah sangat kalau orang tak faham2 kenapa aku sayang sgt famili angkat yang menjaga aku sejak kecil. What is with blood? WHat does it mean to me? Almost nothing. Blood is not proof that u are loved! Care and attention did! I do miss them a lot.
I'll do this for them too. I'll make sure their sacrifices worthy. I'll love my children as much as they did love me. INshaaAllah. From them I learnt about love and sacrifices...and that actions were better than words. Everybody can say that they love u but u'll know it from their attention to u, bukan hanya omongan kosong.
my final exam is tomorrow. Pray for me!
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